In the midst of my regular sexuality reading and research, I came across a very interesting article about what most people consider to be “great sex”, and I wanted to share it here with you. I deeply connected with this research and from my personal experience, I definitely agree with the elements that it highlights, both in my professional sex life and in my personal one.
Spoiler Alert: Cock or boob size is not one of the elements! ;)
Check out the full article – The 8 Elements of Great Sex and Optimal Sexuality
The 8 Elements of Great Sex and Optimal Sexuality
1. Being present and embodied. This was the most commonly reported element of optimal sex. Focusing in on the sensation of your body and being aware of your partner were key elements. Being free from distraction, and focusing in onto the body, partner and/or the experience.
2. Connection with a lover. A feeling of being “in sync” with a partner was described. Whether that person was new or long-term didn’t seem to matter. In almost all cases there was a feeling of connection, of a merging of two people together. Boundaries felt blurred between the lovers.
3. Erotic Intimacy. Placing a high value on personal and erotic intimacy was also described. The lovers felt a closeness or intimacy with their partner. A deep caring and respect for your lover was crucial to have this intimacy. A value and respect for their lover was prominent.
4. Communication. This includes a heightened empathy, where you can create a language that does not challenge feelings of safety. An ability and desire to listen and respond to your partner. Both verbal and non-verbal communication, with touch being a primary way to convey meaning.
5. Being genuine and authentic. The ability to be yourself in the presence of your lover. Feeling uninhibited and accepted as you are. Losing a self consciousness (about body or performance) and being almost “selfish” and impulsive. Truly being yourself in the presence of another.
6. Taking interpersonal risks and having fun. This includes a playful atmosphere that most of us forget to adopt during sex. Sex is play for adults. It is supposed to be fun and lighthearted. Full of pleasure and fun. But they also found that this was associated with taking risks (like children do in their child play).
7. Vulnerability and openness. Surrendering to the experience or your partner, being vulnerable and open to newness were all described. A sense of feeling secure, expecially to be genuine and to express your authentic self. Letting go to be put into someone else’s hands.
8. Transcendence, peace, healing, transformation. This one was the most difficult to describe. It involves being open to the idea that this experience could be bigger than yourself. Feeling a “high,” bliss or awe. Allowing yourself to be transformed by sex, as a growth or healing experience.