Delving into Vulva Shame and the Labiaplasty Phenomenon
Sexuality is a central part of who we are, and talking about it needs to be less taboo.
I have always been an advocate of our natural beauty as humans and loving oneself as is, and now that I am a sex worker, sexuality is an increasingly even more central part of my life. I am now even more conscious of everything related to sex, and especially lately a topic of interest to me is genital love and hate. I spoke about this previously a few weeks ago on my post here about the different ways that vulvas look and the importance of loving our genitals. I feel that this is so important in achieving a healthy sexuality, and an overall positive feeling about oneself.
This has nothing to do with the way your genitals look. It is how you perceive them. They all look different and they are all unique and beautiful in their own way.
I just watched a British documentary called The Perfect Vagina. I found it interesting, sad and inspiring. It delves into the phenomenon of labiaplasty which is become increasingly more and more popular. This is an operation in which women are cutting off their pussy lips for purely cosmetic reasons. Girls as young as 14 are asking for this elective surgery. There is also a part which talks about another surgery called “hymenoplasty”, which is the restoration of the hymen. Unbelievable.
The Perfect Vagina
You can also watch it here.
Even though this documentary is about women and vaginas, I feel that men will also be able to relate well to it. We all know that men put a lot of emphasis on penis size, and can often feel self conscious about their parts too. It can be very healing for people to know that they are not the only one who feels this way. And this can start the healing process for those who don’t yet have a positive idea of their genitals.
In one article that I read about this documentary here, there was a comment from a viewer under the movie that I found to be quite telling. In my experience, contrary to popular belief, this is actually the way that most grown adult men feel about women. I thought it was a genuine response, and worth sharing here.
As a man who loves women I can say that the infinite variety and beauty of a woman’s vagina goes even beyond a “turn on” for me into the realm of art or sculpture. There is no such thing as an unattractive vagina, only narrow minded people who can’t appreciate the true beauty of diversity. It is just my opinion but I think women are harder on other women about body image then men are most of the time. If you look at pornography there is actually a huge range of body types, attitudes, and “likes”, but the most popular porn tends to be what I would call “real” women.
Real curves, all the bits that sag and flop around and most importantly move in a natural way. If your large breasted and they roll over into your armpits when you lay on your back, or hang down quite a bit in other positions that is natural and beautiful and preferable to hard implanted breasts that never change shape or catch the light in different ways. If you have small perky breasts with puffy nipples, or over/under sized labia, or any other body part that you think is odd it is only a problem for the majority of quality men when your insecure about it. The truth is we think your ALL beautiful as long as your honest, open and comfortable in your own skin.
Other women will poke at you because they are building their confidence by breaking down yours. Don’t let them. I look through my wife’s women’s magazines and I am always struck by how utterly unhappy virtually all the twiggy women look. Most look gaunt, wistful, angry or just generally unhappy. Who want’s to be with an unhappy and insecure person of ANY gender?
Women with scars from a Cesarean (SP?) always seem to view it with such shame. I have been “down there” countless times and reached up and grabbed a bit of tummy roll in a fit of genuine passion and to a woman they have all had this recoil where they almost pry my hands off their tummies and try to cover the scar with anything close at hand. Abject shame. I always stop right there and sit up. I point to a very noticeable scar on my forearm and ask if they find it is a turn off to them. It never is. I tell them it SHOULD be because it is a reminder of something very stupid I did. I then point to the scar on their abdomen and share my thoughts on it. “Your not turned off by a scar I got doing something stupid, yet your ashamed of and think I will be turned off by a scar you got from the most heroic act a person can do. Saving the life of a child. To me it is sexy and honorable and beautiful right up until your insecure or ashamed of it.
One point the author of this documentary missed that also has contributed to this phenomenon of vaginal plastic surgery is how vagina’s have been commercialized. If you think that sounds like a bit of BS consider this. Women pierce their ears and add jewelry and suddenly worry about their earlobes–attached or too droopy etc. They begin to have plastic surgery on their ears. Women wear rings on their fingers and having the perfect manicure becomes so relevant. Belly button piercing–cant have an “ugly” bellybutton now so it is surgically altered. When women start getting vaginal piercings the instances of vaginal plastic surgery go up dramatically because who wants to have jewelry hanging off of an “ugly” vagina? When nipple piercing gained prominence nipple color suddenly became a big “issue”. Too dark? Ewww…who wants that? The solution is nipple BLEACHING because everyone should have pretty pink nipples right?
To the women reading this–take out most of the jewelry. Stop reading the women’s magazines that really have no clue what men really want. Put on a comfy pair of plain white cotton panties and one of my shirts. Smell like soap or flowers or cherries or something REAL. Climb into your mans bed with confidence. Be comfortable about the beautiful diversity of your body and be happy and in the moment. Most important remember that to us you always have been and always will be the most beautiful and mythical creature on Gods earth and even on your worst day your more beautiful then we can ever really express to you. We are just thrilled your there.
So, there you have it, ladies and lads. Please, Love Your Genitals! :-)